April 24, 2012

When will the bottom drop out?

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , at 1:32 am by singlyoutrageous

Okay. Things have been falling into place for me lately. For maybe the first time ever. I love my job, I have a beautiful daughter, I am in the best physical shape I’ve been in for over 7 years, I’m moving into my first apartment that will be all mine (no ex-husband or roommate), I’m in the beginnings of a great relationship and I’ve been researching possibly going back to college for another degree and a different career path. All of these things are completely awesome.

Where am I going with this, you may ask? Everything is awesome except… I found out quite recently that my ex-husband was released from jail last Friday. Maybe this is time to post a little bit about him.

Writing this post is definitely going to take some thought and time, so hopefully it will be up later today, or at the latest tomorrow. Thank you for your patience!

April 23, 2012

Did I really just ask him that?

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 3:07 am by singlyoutrageous

How do you ask someone an objective or hypothetical question as an actual objective or hypothetical question, and not as a question that leads to a conversation related to yourself? I have a friend who asked her guy friend if she was dateable. She did not want to date him, but truly valued his opinion and was interested to know it. So he leads with “Well, I wouldn’t date you, but here’s why…” She got his opinion, but in a way that was insulting to her.

So I get the bright idea to ask D if he’s ever been in love. It is a subject I was purely curious about, because he has not been in any serious, long-term committed relationships. To my detriment, I asked him while we were drunk, and probably didn’t get my point across properly.

I led with “I have a question to ask you, but don’t want you to think it has in any way to do with us, it’s just something I’m curious about.” Or so I think- like I said, I was drunk, so this is just a slightly inaccurate reenactment of how the actual conversation went. D’s answer was essentially “no”. I don’t remember if he said “no” before or after he said something like “Well, when it comes to you and me…” What a mess. I also don’t remember if I asked the initial question before or after we stared intensely into each other’s eyes while listening to Boyz II Men. No, I am not joking! It was very romantic. Anyways, I don’t remember the context in which I asked the question but it was obviously taken in the way I didn’t want it to be taken. I followed up with a hasty, “Well I have loved people, but have never been in love with someone,” and “I also feel there’s a difference between love and infatuation.” He ended the conversation on a good note, saying he appreciated that we could discuss such subjects in an analytical manner. Hmm. Whether or not he believed me when I said I didn’t want to know if he loved me, I don’t know.

I am currently training for my second 5K that is happening this Saturday, so there will be no drinking for me this week. This means no drunken conversation starters that sound like  good ideas in my head, but then not so much when they come out of my mouth. We’ll see if I’m any less awkward when sober. I have a feeling that won’t be the case. 😉

 

April 18, 2012

My first blogger award!

Posted in blogging, dating, Relationships tagged , , , at 2:41 am by singlyoutrageous

Yay! I’ve been nominated for my first blogger award- the VBA!

 

Rules of the Versatile Blogger Award are as follows:

  •  Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
  •  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
  •  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
  •  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

Thank you again, New Single Guy for nominating me for the VBA. I love your blog as well, and it’s great to hear from someone who is in a similar situation as me (divorced from a highschool sweetheart after so many years) but also from the male perspective. I started this blog a few months ago so that I could sleep easy at night by venting all of my thoughts and emotions through writing. I never expected that anyone would read much of it, or that I would find so many kindred souls in the blogging world. So thanks to everyone who cares about what I have to say. 😉

 

On with the show… I have not selected 15 bloggers, but 10. These bloggers primarily all write about relationships. This is important and pertinent to me, as I have been learning how to build new relationships or rebuild old ones over the past year and a half. Some are thought provoking, others simply hilarious, and I enjoy reading them all. A few of these bloggers are even responsible for keeping me in check relationship-wise at times (you know who you are!).

My favorite bloggers/nominees are as follows:

1.   snarkysnatch

2. The Narcissist’s Blog

3. lifeinthefarcelane

4. ChronicDatingChronicles

5. Are You Friggin’ Kidding Me?

6. Things as I see them…

7. Life as I Intermittently Know It

8. Light Motifs

9. browneyesandlenses

10. shenanigansinsingledom

 

I think you all are completely awesome, and appreciate your work.

 

Lastly, 7 things about myself:

  1. I don’t care what anyone has to say about it- I wear my yoga pants to Walmart on a regular basis.
  2.  I will listen to the 100% Christmas music all the time radio station from November 26th through December 25th. It makes me happy.
  3. I love scary movies, but most of all I LOVE zombie movies. But only if I have someone to watch them with.
  4. I can be very superstitious. I will always pick a penny up if I see it.
  5. I haven’t eaten a hamburger in 15 years. But I ate a hot dog last week.
  6. Among other types of literature, I really enjoy reading young adult fiction- don’t judge me.
  7. The URL to my blog, misadventures of my awkward dating life, is misspelled. Again, please don’t judge me, there was no spell check.
So that’s it, and I’m off to notify my nominees!

April 17, 2012

My most awkward post yet…

Posted in dating, Relationships, therapy tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:20 am by singlyoutrageous

Thank you, New Single Guy, for nominating me for the versatile blogger award! It made my week. 🙂 I will be writing my post in response to my nomination tomorrow, so stay tuned…

The following post was difficult for me to write. Difficult and awkward. It is about sexuality which is an uncomfortable subject for me, so I apologize in advance if it is a bit of a mess!

 

prude [pruːd]

n

a person who affects or shows an excessively modest, prim, or proper attitude, esp regarding sex

[from French, from prudefemme, from Old French prode femme respectable woman; see proud]

prudish  adj

prudishly  adv

prudishness , prudery n

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

 

Yes, I think that this describes me. It’s not that I want to be a prude, but my past experiences, or lack thereof, have led me to this point! Part of my problem may be that I was with the same person (my ex-husband) for so long (about 13 years) that I never learned as much about sex as those who were able to date around during their 20’s. My ex and I had the same kind of sex after being together for 10 years that we had in high school, and high school sex is not great. For me, high school sex consisted of the following: lights off, eyes closed, no kissing and no orgasm.

My girlfriends have always laughed at me when they would try to talk about sexual experiences because the reaction I would provide them with- I was mostly embarrassed, generally uncomfortable and definitely awkward. I wonder now if the way I react to sexual banter and sex itself is simply because I feel I have a lack of knowledge and/or experience. I don’t know. Even after my divorce my first sexual encounter was anxiety inducing and slightly uncomfortable. I had a great time, but my mind was going in a thousand different directions at once. I also felt I needed the aid of alcohol to enjoy myself, which is never a good thing. I told my therapist when I first started dating again that I had a huge fear of intimacy. She assured me that when the time came, it would (hopefully) be with someone I cared about, and that fear would be irrelevant. I’m working on it.

The real reason I started writing this post is due to some particularly saucy texts I received from D last night while at work. When does texting become sexting? I’m not talking about racy photos, just racy comments. I think that whether or not a particular text is a sext is objective and varies person to person. I was definitely blushing and also turned on, so I think I can label D’s texts as sexts.

I, however, lack the confidence to respond in a like manner due to my “prudishness”.

How do I improve my confidence in bed? How do I overcome my prudishness and reply in kind to a sext? These are things I want to do, but don’t know how (though I think writing about them in a public manner may be a start!).

Here is an excerpt from the conversation I was engaged in earlier with D:

As our texts were getting more and more “interesting” I texted that he had better stop, because I was blushing and didn’t want to explain why I was blushing as such to my coworkers. His responding text (I think sext at this point) went something like this: “That’s too bad. I guess I won’t mention anything about licking certain body parts of yours (below the waist), kissing your neck or holding you close and whispering how much I want you. Nope, not going to mention that.”

OMG. Really. What do I do with that?! Is there a class I can take somewhere on how to be a great lay, and how to sext with your boyfriend? Please direct me to it!

After writing this I have come to a realization. The beautiful thing about the relationship I have with D is that I feel like we can talk to each other about anything. I may not have bared my soul as much as he has yet, but maybe it’s time. I think that this will be a great conversation to have with him on our next date.

Thanks as always, for listening.

April 16, 2012

It’s been awhile… in more ways than one.

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , at 1:53 am by singlyoutrageous

I’m sorry! Things have been pretty crazy for me the last week or so. I just signed a lease on an apartment, so Little and I finally get our own place- yay! Between apartment searching, dating, working and being a mom I have been running my butt off. I have a few dates to recap, but would like to add a disclaimer first: The rest of my post is not awkward, upsetting or even especially funny. It is mostly happy and romantic- I apologize.

Last week I actually saw D three times. The date where he asked me to be his girlfriend, which I have already recapped in a previous post, Wednesday night at his place, then Friday night when we saw the Titanic in 3D.

On Wednesday night, I went to his place where we watched some TV. We then went out for a snack and a drink, then back to his place again. As we were just lying there, cuddling, we had a nice conversation. D asked me what my biggest fears were. I told him I have a huge fear of the unknown. I also told him I have a fear of being “boring” or seeming unintelligent. He then told me what his fears were. His first fear was being stuck in a relationship and not knowing how to end it. I asked if that is why he has had no long-term relationships and he replied in the affirmative. D’s second fear was the fear of being a bad parent, and also losing some of himself while being a parent. I weighed in that I thought the fact that he worried about being a bad parent probably meant he would be a pretty good one. I also told him that once you have your own kid, you’re not as concerned about yourself anymore. Your child becomes the center of your universe. So even if it doesn’t seem like it now, that part of his parenting fear will be irrelevant.

One other topic of conversation that night was my blog. I had been feeling slightly guilty about writing so many personal things about our relationship, and about him, that I just wanted to reaffirm that it was okay. I said “So you know that I primarily blog about my feelings and the relationships I have, right?” He said “Sure,” then “so what’s my code name?” I started laughing. He didn’t care. I told him I do have a fear of him stumbling upon my blog, and he reassured me he hasn’t gone looking for it.

It was a relaxing and insightful night.

Then on Friday night…

I said “Screw you, April!” for taking away the unseasonably warm days that we had in March, and wore a cute summer dress out to meet D at the movie theater. Our 18 year old ticket taker was incredibly stoked about the fact that we hadn’t seen the Titanic in 3D yet. She told us how awesome it was, and how much we were going to love it. I admired her enthusiasm, but also couldn’t stop thinking that she was a toddler when the movie first came out. She made me feel old. Anyways…

Titanic is a great “date night” movie if your date is tolerable of it. I might not have suggested it personally, but am glad we went. I may or may not have mentioned this in a previous post, but D admitted on one of our first dates to having seen the Titanic three times in the theater at the age of 16. He is a little bit of a romantic, and I love it. We joked during some parts of the movie at the poor acting of a young Kate and a young Leo. We also held hands during the more romantic parts. The three hours flew by.

Afterwards we went out for a few drinks. I actually drank a little more than usual. As we had met somewhere in between where we both live, D drove me back to his place with the agreement he would get me back to my car at some point before dawn after I had sobered up a bit…

There are some details I refuse to divulge here- or even to my closest friends. I have been called a prude by said friends. I don’t care. But I will tell you this- it was absolutely worth the wait. 🙂

April 10, 2012

I have a boyfriend- I think.

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 1:37 am by singlyoutrageous

I completed my first 5K run on Saturday morning. A lot of elderly people and small children may have passed me (both awkward for me), but I ran the entire time and that was my ultimate goal. My time was 36:25, which I feel is pretty respectable for a first time 5K’er. It was a lot of fun, and really fulfilling to meet a goal I had set for myself. It was especially fulfilling since this goal stemmed from my first awkward relationship post-divorce. I had been so consumed with my relationship with R that I had to think of a distraction from him, and running was it. The beautiful thing is that I don’t think about him all the time anymore, and didn’t think of him once on race day, even though he was one of the main reasons I was there.

I signed up for my next 5K as soon as I got home.

 

The next night D took me out to dinner and for a few drinks. I filled him in a little more on my history with my ex-husband, but only because he asked. I felt like I may have divulged a little too much information, but he just thanked me for being so honest.

Later, over drinks, I could tell that something was up, and asked D what was on his mind. He replied that he wanted to say something, but didn’t know if he should. I of course encouraged him to do so because there is nothing that irks me more than someone who says they are going to tell you something, then changes their mind and won’t. Anyways, he finally does tell me. He tells me that he doesn’t want to see anybody else- only me. I told him that I absolutely felt the same way. He wasn’t sure if he should have told me this, because he was worried it was too much. I assured him it was definitely not too much.

Now, I thought we were already sort of “there” since I knew from the beginning that I was the only girl D was dating, and we had a mutual agreement not to date around on each other. So this must mean something more. Like a declaration. Like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.  Right? The best part is (and I cannot believe I am typing this, but I am) is that we still haven’t slept together. I know this is how relationships are traditionally supposed to progress, but I have never been a traditional kind of person. But it’s a welcome change of pace. Plus, it just gives me one more thing to look forward to.

April 6, 2012

A very awkward encounter…

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 11:35 pm by singlyoutrageous

I am hours away from my first 5k, but I absolutely had to get this story out of my mind and on to my computer before I can get some quality sleep.

My plan for today was to grab lunch with an old friend, go out to dinner with my parents, sister and daughter, then meet up with D later that night after I grabbed my bib number for the race.

I had a great lunch; it was really nice to catch up with a friend that I hadn’t seen in such a long time. I had let our friendship slide to the wayside as my relationship with my ex-husband developed years ago, so it was definitely nice to reconnect.

Later, my dad decides he wants to go to his favorite pizza place for dinner. That was fine with me- I was going to grab dinner, run home, change then head over to D’s. Dinner was very nice- Little (my daughter) was really digging the fettuccine alfredo, and I was also loading up on some carbs for my race tomorrow. As we’re finishing up eating my mom classically says “Look who just walked in- no, don’t turn around!” First of all, I hate it when people do that. You tell me to look, I’m going to look. So don’t change your mind mid-sentence. Second of all, it was D’s parents.

D has a weekly dinner date set with his parents. He lives about half an hour away, so this is a weekly opportunity for him to see his family. But really, is our town that small? I didn’t think it was, but I have obviously been proven wrong.

A few minutes later and D walks in. We are situated in such a way, that without blatantly turning around, I could not see where D and his parents were sitting. He, on the other hand, had an excellent view of the back of my head, my sister’s head (whom he has met) and my parents. I was freaking out a bit. I wasn’t prepared for a situation like this. A few minutes of fidgeting nervously with the baby and packing her up, then it was time to leave. Time to walk almost directly by their booth. I could have bolted for it. I could have looked the other way and ran. But that would just be rude. I turn towards where they are sitting and wave at D. He waves back. Not in a welcoming, “come on over” way, but in an “I can’t believe this is happening” way.

So I throw Little on my hip and march over to where they are sitting. “So you’re following me to dinner now?” Is what D says.  I say, “Hi, I’m Kim, this is Little.” D’s dad immediately reaches across D and starts tickling the baby. His mom says, “Hi! I’m D’s mom, and this is his dad…” D replies that they have names, and supplies them. His mom goes on to ask me who my dad is, because she knows that one of her good friends is an aunt of mine. My sister wanders over and I introduce her. Then my dad wanders over and shakes D’s hand, and chats with his mother for a few seconds. My mom is paying the bill, so doesn’t get to join in the fun. “Well, it was nice meeting you,” I say to D’s parents, then to him “I’ll see you a little later”.

After we leave I am mortified at how D acted. He seemed really uncomfortable, and as if he wished he weren’t there at all.

A little while later D texts me (sarcastically I assumed) “A stalker who brings the family along? You are different.” So I’m thinking now-okay, maybe I’m overanalyzing the situation, he seems okay.

Once at his place we talked about the dinner fiasco immediately. D actually started with “Thanks for being the adult tonight and coming over to say “Hi”, because I couldn’t”. I told him how I felt he was acting, and he told me what was actually going on. He simply wasn’t prepared for the situation. It caught him off-guard, and he didn’t know how to react. He went on to tell me that my daughter was pretty adorable, and that his mom thought I was pretty.

So my theory is that his social anxiety may have had a part in how he acted at the restaurant, but most of all I feel that he needs to feel some control over a situation. Not that he’s a controlling person, but that something unexpected happens and he doesn’t have control, he doesn’t know how to act. I know he has some issues like this, and time will only tell how I react to them. But we all have our issues, even me.

We spent a nice few hours watching TV, talking and cuddling. No sex occurred. This was the second time for me to be at his apartment and not have sex with him. It’s pretty great. I think I almost felt like if we were alone at his place sex was a decided factor. It’s not, and I’m happy about that. It is different and pleasant to be taking things at this pace. It’s nice to know that we will have sex eventually, but I am not feeling pressured to do so in the meantime. It’s kind of weird- but in a good way.

So, I don’t think a  more awkward meeting of our families could have ever been planned, and I actually feel relieved that it’s over and done with. It was a beneficially awkward night, for sure.

April 5, 2012

A nice night in…

Posted in dating, Relationships, running, therapy tagged , , , , , , , , at 8:14 pm by singlyoutrageous

I went over to D’s place last night. And nothing happened. Well, I shouldn’t say “nothing happened” but I did not sleep with him.

We had a nice relaxing night, quite different than our norm of going out and drinking. We grabbed something to eat, then went back to his place where we ate and chatted. We watched a little TV and cuddled. We each had a glass of wine, and enjoyed each other’s company. It was just really nice.

My therapist told me today that I am doing so many things right, that she needed a pen and paper to write them all down. I graduated to spacing our sessions out a little more, and left her office feeling pretty good about myself. She did give me a few good things to think about and reminded me repeatedly to not get so far ahead with this relationship in my head, and just take it nice and slow. Also, that I should work on other relationships in my life just as much as this one (family, friends, etc.), because they are all equally important.

I am definitely in uncharted territory, and am doing my best to stay on track.

On a final note, I am running my first 5K in two days. I am feeling pretty confident about it, and very proud that I am achieving a goal I set for myself.

April 4, 2012

Homework assignment: A comparison between two guys…

Posted in dating, Relationships, therapy tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 12:18 am by singlyoutrageous

Before I begin, I have been compiling a short list of what I like about D:

A few of the things I like about D…

He is intelligent, kind, funny, sarcastic, sexy, caring, non-judgmental, very open with his feelings, expresses interest in things I care about and wants to share things that he cares about with me.

In another post I blogged about where D stacks up on my list of qualities for a good relationship.  My other “homework” assignment from my therapist was to compare where my relationships with R and D fell in relation to each other, so I have compiled a timeline of sorts for said comparison. I have basically mapped out what the general gist of the date was, then if anything very significant occurred the same night.

Timeline comparison between R and D (going by number of dates, not number of weeks)

R

D

First Date Coffee Drinks- told me he only dates exclusively
Second Date Dinner/Drinks Coffee/Drinks
Third Date Lunch/Movie Lunch
Fourth Date His Place-make out Coffee/Drinks
Fifth Date Drinks/His Place (sex-kind of?) (4 weeks in) Drinks
Sixth Date Dinner Dinner/showed me where he works/Drinks
Seventh Date His Place-sex-found out we’re not dating exclusively Movie w/ my friends- make out- told me he canceled his match account
Eighth Date His Place-“No sex” conversation TBD (His place- maybe sex) (4 weeks in)
Ninth Date Awkward Dinner/Movie
Tenth Date His Place-Break-up

Some other notes of interest in comparing these two relationships:

  • Neither guy kissed me until the second date.
  • Went to R’s place on 4th date; haven’t gone to D’s place yet. (Will on 8th date)
  • First make session with R was on 4th date; first make out session with D was on 7th date.
  • First sexual intercourse with R was (technically) 5th date; hasn’t happened with D yet. (But it might on 8th date)
  • Dating exclusively conversation with R on 7th date; dating exclusively conversation with D on 1st date.
  • Knew more about D after 2nd date, then I ever knew about R the entire time we were dating.
  • D asks me out twice as much as R did.

In conclusion, I am obviously pleased with the way things have been going with D. He is a better guy all around, and is plainly interested in me (not me and who knows who else). Even though calendar-wise I’m falling at about the same point for becoming more physical in the relationship, time invested wise is nearly double that with D than R. When looking at each side of the table, I can also be proud that I have been taking things much more slowly with D than with R.

Homework complete- good night all!

April 2, 2012

I really shouldn’t have…

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , at 10:01 pm by singlyoutrageous

I drove into work tonight (my commute is about forty minutes) only to get there and have an opportunity to take the night off. I normally turn this opportunity down; especially because this is day number 2 out of 3. It’s not like I’m getting an extra-long weekend by taking the night off, I still have to go back in tomorrow night. But… I was anticipating a nice night off, possibly spent with D.

I walk out of work and send D a text to see if he was busy, and ask if he wants to hang out later. Shortly after, as I’m driving home, he replies that he has dinner plans with family, and we should just get together on Wednesday like we originally planned. 😦 Well, I really should have texted him first- before I decided to take the night off. It’s my own fault. So now I have a night off, mid work week, and no date.

*sigh* At least I’ll get some laundry done.

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