April 17, 2012

My most awkward post yet…

Posted in dating, Relationships, therapy tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:20 am by singlyoutrageous

Thank you, New Single Guy, for nominating me for the versatile blogger award! It made my week. 🙂 I will be writing my post in response to my nomination tomorrow, so stay tuned…

The following post was difficult for me to write. Difficult and awkward. It is about sexuality which is an uncomfortable subject for me, so I apologize in advance if it is a bit of a mess!

 

prude [pruːd]

n

a person who affects or shows an excessively modest, prim, or proper attitude, esp regarding sex

[from French, from prudefemme, from Old French prode femme respectable woman; see proud]

prudish  adj

prudishly  adv

prudishness , prudery n

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

 

Yes, I think that this describes me. It’s not that I want to be a prude, but my past experiences, or lack thereof, have led me to this point! Part of my problem may be that I was with the same person (my ex-husband) for so long (about 13 years) that I never learned as much about sex as those who were able to date around during their 20’s. My ex and I had the same kind of sex after being together for 10 years that we had in high school, and high school sex is not great. For me, high school sex consisted of the following: lights off, eyes closed, no kissing and no orgasm.

My girlfriends have always laughed at me when they would try to talk about sexual experiences because the reaction I would provide them with- I was mostly embarrassed, generally uncomfortable and definitely awkward. I wonder now if the way I react to sexual banter and sex itself is simply because I feel I have a lack of knowledge and/or experience. I don’t know. Even after my divorce my first sexual encounter was anxiety inducing and slightly uncomfortable. I had a great time, but my mind was going in a thousand different directions at once. I also felt I needed the aid of alcohol to enjoy myself, which is never a good thing. I told my therapist when I first started dating again that I had a huge fear of intimacy. She assured me that when the time came, it would (hopefully) be with someone I cared about, and that fear would be irrelevant. I’m working on it.

The real reason I started writing this post is due to some particularly saucy texts I received from D last night while at work. When does texting become sexting? I’m not talking about racy photos, just racy comments. I think that whether or not a particular text is a sext is objective and varies person to person. I was definitely blushing and also turned on, so I think I can label D’s texts as sexts.

I, however, lack the confidence to respond in a like manner due to my “prudishness”.

How do I improve my confidence in bed? How do I overcome my prudishness and reply in kind to a sext? These are things I want to do, but don’t know how (though I think writing about them in a public manner may be a start!).

Here is an excerpt from the conversation I was engaged in earlier with D:

As our texts were getting more and more “interesting” I texted that he had better stop, because I was blushing and didn’t want to explain why I was blushing as such to my coworkers. His responding text (I think sext at this point) went something like this: “That’s too bad. I guess I won’t mention anything about licking certain body parts of yours (below the waist), kissing your neck or holding you close and whispering how much I want you. Nope, not going to mention that.”

OMG. Really. What do I do with that?! Is there a class I can take somewhere on how to be a great lay, and how to sext with your boyfriend? Please direct me to it!

After writing this I have come to a realization. The beautiful thing about the relationship I have with D is that I feel like we can talk to each other about anything. I may not have bared my soul as much as he has yet, but maybe it’s time. I think that this will be a great conversation to have with him on our next date.

Thanks as always, for listening.