April 23, 2012

Did I really just ask him that?

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 3:07 am by singlyoutrageous

How do you ask someone an objective or hypothetical question as an actual objective or hypothetical question, and not as a question that leads to a conversation related to yourself? I have a friend who asked her guy friend if she was dateable. She did not want to date him, but truly valued his opinion and was interested to know it. So he leads with “Well, I wouldn’t date you, but here’s why…” She got his opinion, but in a way that was insulting to her.

So I get the bright idea to ask D if he’s ever been in love. It is a subject I was purely curious about, because he has not been in any serious, long-term committed relationships. To my detriment, I asked him while we were drunk, and probably didn’t get my point across properly.

I led with “I have a question to ask you, but don’t want you to think it has in any way to do with us, it’s just something I’m curious about.” Or so I think- like I said, I was drunk, so this is just a slightly inaccurate reenactment of how the actual conversation went. D’s answer was essentially “no”. I don’t remember if he said “no” before or after he said something like “Well, when it comes to you and me…” What a mess. I also don’t remember if I asked the initial question before or after we stared intensely into each other’s eyes while listening to Boyz II Men. No, I am not joking! It was very romantic. Anyways, I don’t remember the context in which I asked the question but it was obviously taken in the way I didn’t want it to be taken. I followed up with a hasty, “Well I have loved people, but have never been in love with someone,” and “I also feel there’s a difference between love and infatuation.” He ended the conversation on a good note, saying he appreciated that we could discuss such subjects in an analytical manner. Hmm. Whether or not he believed me when I said I didn’t want to know if he loved me, I don’t know.

I am currently training for my second 5K that is happening this Saturday, so there will be no drinking for me this week. This means no drunken conversation starters that sound like  good ideas in my head, but then not so much when they come out of my mouth. We’ll see if I’m any less awkward when sober. I have a feeling that won’t be the case. 😉

 

April 10, 2012

I have a boyfriend- I think.

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 1:37 am by singlyoutrageous

I completed my first 5K run on Saturday morning. A lot of elderly people and small children may have passed me (both awkward for me), but I ran the entire time and that was my ultimate goal. My time was 36:25, which I feel is pretty respectable for a first time 5K’er. It was a lot of fun, and really fulfilling to meet a goal I had set for myself. It was especially fulfilling since this goal stemmed from my first awkward relationship post-divorce. I had been so consumed with my relationship with R that I had to think of a distraction from him, and running was it. The beautiful thing is that I don’t think about him all the time anymore, and didn’t think of him once on race day, even though he was one of the main reasons I was there.

I signed up for my next 5K as soon as I got home.

 

The next night D took me out to dinner and for a few drinks. I filled him in a little more on my history with my ex-husband, but only because he asked. I felt like I may have divulged a little too much information, but he just thanked me for being so honest.

Later, over drinks, I could tell that something was up, and asked D what was on his mind. He replied that he wanted to say something, but didn’t know if he should. I of course encouraged him to do so because there is nothing that irks me more than someone who says they are going to tell you something, then changes their mind and won’t. Anyways, he finally does tell me. He tells me that he doesn’t want to see anybody else- only me. I told him that I absolutely felt the same way. He wasn’t sure if he should have told me this, because he was worried it was too much. I assured him it was definitely not too much.

Now, I thought we were already sort of “there” since I knew from the beginning that I was the only girl D was dating, and we had a mutual agreement not to date around on each other. So this must mean something more. Like a declaration. Like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.  Right? The best part is (and I cannot believe I am typing this, but I am) is that we still haven’t slept together. I know this is how relationships are traditionally supposed to progress, but I have never been a traditional kind of person. But it’s a welcome change of pace. Plus, it just gives me one more thing to look forward to.

April 6, 2012

A very awkward encounter…

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 11:35 pm by singlyoutrageous

I am hours away from my first 5k, but I absolutely had to get this story out of my mind and on to my computer before I can get some quality sleep.

My plan for today was to grab lunch with an old friend, go out to dinner with my parents, sister and daughter, then meet up with D later that night after I grabbed my bib number for the race.

I had a great lunch; it was really nice to catch up with a friend that I hadn’t seen in such a long time. I had let our friendship slide to the wayside as my relationship with my ex-husband developed years ago, so it was definitely nice to reconnect.

Later, my dad decides he wants to go to his favorite pizza place for dinner. That was fine with me- I was going to grab dinner, run home, change then head over to D’s. Dinner was very nice- Little (my daughter) was really digging the fettuccine alfredo, and I was also loading up on some carbs for my race tomorrow. As we’re finishing up eating my mom classically says “Look who just walked in- no, don’t turn around!” First of all, I hate it when people do that. You tell me to look, I’m going to look. So don’t change your mind mid-sentence. Second of all, it was D’s parents.

D has a weekly dinner date set with his parents. He lives about half an hour away, so this is a weekly opportunity for him to see his family. But really, is our town that small? I didn’t think it was, but I have obviously been proven wrong.

A few minutes later and D walks in. We are situated in such a way, that without blatantly turning around, I could not see where D and his parents were sitting. He, on the other hand, had an excellent view of the back of my head, my sister’s head (whom he has met) and my parents. I was freaking out a bit. I wasn’t prepared for a situation like this. A few minutes of fidgeting nervously with the baby and packing her up, then it was time to leave. Time to walk almost directly by their booth. I could have bolted for it. I could have looked the other way and ran. But that would just be rude. I turn towards where they are sitting and wave at D. He waves back. Not in a welcoming, “come on over” way, but in an “I can’t believe this is happening” way.

So I throw Little on my hip and march over to where they are sitting. “So you’re following me to dinner now?” Is what D says.  I say, “Hi, I’m Kim, this is Little.” D’s dad immediately reaches across D and starts tickling the baby. His mom says, “Hi! I’m D’s mom, and this is his dad…” D replies that they have names, and supplies them. His mom goes on to ask me who my dad is, because she knows that one of her good friends is an aunt of mine. My sister wanders over and I introduce her. Then my dad wanders over and shakes D’s hand, and chats with his mother for a few seconds. My mom is paying the bill, so doesn’t get to join in the fun. “Well, it was nice meeting you,” I say to D’s parents, then to him “I’ll see you a little later”.

After we leave I am mortified at how D acted. He seemed really uncomfortable, and as if he wished he weren’t there at all.

A little while later D texts me (sarcastically I assumed) “A stalker who brings the family along? You are different.” So I’m thinking now-okay, maybe I’m overanalyzing the situation, he seems okay.

Once at his place we talked about the dinner fiasco immediately. D actually started with “Thanks for being the adult tonight and coming over to say “Hi”, because I couldn’t”. I told him how I felt he was acting, and he told me what was actually going on. He simply wasn’t prepared for the situation. It caught him off-guard, and he didn’t know how to react. He went on to tell me that my daughter was pretty adorable, and that his mom thought I was pretty.

So my theory is that his social anxiety may have had a part in how he acted at the restaurant, but most of all I feel that he needs to feel some control over a situation. Not that he’s a controlling person, but that something unexpected happens and he doesn’t have control, he doesn’t know how to act. I know he has some issues like this, and time will only tell how I react to them. But we all have our issues, even me.

We spent a nice few hours watching TV, talking and cuddling. No sex occurred. This was the second time for me to be at his apartment and not have sex with him. It’s pretty great. I think I almost felt like if we were alone at his place sex was a decided factor. It’s not, and I’m happy about that. It is different and pleasant to be taking things at this pace. It’s nice to know that we will have sex eventually, but I am not feeling pressured to do so in the meantime. It’s kind of weird- but in a good way.

So, I don’t think a  more awkward meeting of our families could have ever been planned, and I actually feel relieved that it’s over and done with. It was a beneficially awkward night, for sure.

April 5, 2012

A nice night in…

Posted in dating, Relationships, running, therapy tagged , , , , , , , , at 8:14 pm by singlyoutrageous

I went over to D’s place last night. And nothing happened. Well, I shouldn’t say “nothing happened” but I did not sleep with him.

We had a nice relaxing night, quite different than our norm of going out and drinking. We grabbed something to eat, then went back to his place where we ate and chatted. We watched a little TV and cuddled. We each had a glass of wine, and enjoyed each other’s company. It was just really nice.

My therapist told me today that I am doing so many things right, that she needed a pen and paper to write them all down. I graduated to spacing our sessions out a little more, and left her office feeling pretty good about myself. She did give me a few good things to think about and reminded me repeatedly to not get so far ahead with this relationship in my head, and just take it nice and slow. Also, that I should work on other relationships in my life just as much as this one (family, friends, etc.), because they are all equally important.

I am definitely in uncharted territory, and am doing my best to stay on track.

On a final note, I am running my first 5K in two days. I am feeling pretty confident about it, and very proud that I am achieving a goal I set for myself.

March 30, 2012

Running in the rain…

Posted in dating, Relationships, running tagged , , , , at 9:25 pm by singlyoutrageous

When I started running a few months ago, I had no idea I would learn so much about myself and life through the tortuous process of getting into shape again. In a previous post I related doing too much too fast with my runs, to getting hurt by moving too quickly in a relationship. Today I learned something else…

As I went for my run this morning, I wasn’t feeling great about it. I’ve been struggling with the distance most days, and have been very un-motivated to even go, but I did. Once I got into it, I actually had one of my best runs yet. I went further than I have before without feeling super fatigued, or like I needed to stop prematurely. I found myself thinking, “If I just push through the bad days, some good ones are bound to come.” I felt really proud of myself for coming to this realization.

Then about ¾ of a mile away from home it started raining. Not just raining really, but a deluge. My water resistant sweats held up pretty well, but they didn’t cover my face. I’m not really sure what that last part of my run taught me. Other than to check the radar before I leave next time. 😉