October 14, 2012

In the muck of it all.

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:25 pm by singlyoutrageous

I’m at that place in my relationship where I am purposefully ignoring a text from my boyfriend.

We had a nice weekend. Not fantastic, just nice. D and I went to the best wedding ever, and then brunch this morning. We slow danced like we were in middle school. (This was mostly my fault- I was born without rhythm) But it was one of those nights where D was tired. Ok. I have grown enough in our relationship to let this go occasionally. I get it; I’m tired on a very consistent basis. But then this morning after brunch it wasn’t “I’m tired” it was football. So a kiss that led to nothing but him asking me “Talk to you tonight?”, then asking me once again as I stared at him without replying. Sure.

I am in a relationship as I never have been in before. We have our space, but love each other deeply. When we’re apart, we speak nightly on the phone, even if there’s not much to say. I told D yesterday about the fortune I pulled out of my fortune cookie one night while eating Chinese a month before we started dating. It said “Your dearest wish will come true.” I’ve carried under my cell phone cover ever since. I told him that my dearest wish was to be happy and that he has made me so.

But why am I so irritated? Is it just that I really wanted to have sex and he didn’t? Or is it the fact that I didn’t speak my mind to tell him that is what I wanted? Did I just feel jilted by the football? Or maybe I was insulted at all the preparation that went into going to this wedding, and that my new bra from Victoria’s Secret didn’t warrant a romp in the sack?  Or maybe it’s all of that compounded with a bad day for other external reasons. Who knows?

So now he’s texting me a conversation opener, and I have good excuse not to reply as I am normally asleep. But I feel like I’m not responding in a vindictive way. And I don’t think that’s right. Like most men-or women, I’ll admit- he doesn’t know something is wrong unless I tell him. And he isn’t aware of how completely shitty I feel unless I tell him. I will ultimately feel worse tomorrow when I tell him how shitty I feel at this moment, because he’ll say I should’ve called.

Ok. After re-reading what I’ve just wrote, I texted him that I had a bad afternoon and I’m on my way to bed. Ugh.

August 27, 2012


Posted in dating, love tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 11:59 pm by singlyoutrageous

Last Friday was very stressful for me. Little woke up with a fever after having been at daycare earlier in the week with a kiddo that tested positive for strep. My poor 9 ½ year old puppy also had a fever, and a pretty bad infection. I spent my day traveling between the vet and the pediatrician. On top of the stress of two sick ones at home, D and I had plans to leave for Chicago that night and to go to my first Cubs game on Saturday. My mother reassured me that Little and the pup would be okay with them, and to continue with my plans.

D picked me up at my parents, where I left Little with my aunt and uncle who had come to visit. My parents had gone to pick up a pizza, and would be back soon. I got into D’s car and sighed with relief that I would soon be sitting on my sister’s deck in Chicago drinking a glass of wine and relaxing after an overwhelming day. We had one last stop to grab a quick dinner with D’s parents on the way out of town.

As we are walking up to the door of the restaurant I notice that a car similar to my grandparent’s car was in the parking lot, and said “Oh, maybe my Grandma is here…”

We walk in and I was shocked. I was floored. I was- yep, you guessed it- surprised. A dozen of my close family members and friends were there. My birthday wasn’t for another week, but since I had plans to be out of town my family conspired to throw me a surprise party. I immediately teared up as I hugged my grandma, telling her I did indeed see her car outside, but yes I was very surprised. About three weeks earlier my cousin had texted D and my sister to plan the party. A lot of lying and deceiving me followed, and they succeeded immensely. D even remembered my favorite kind of cake, and had one ordered from the local bakery. We ate dinner and cake and I opened presents. It was an overwhelming end to an overwhelming day, but in a good way.

D and I decided to drive into Chicago the next morning, as my sister had just gotten into town for the party. We went back to my place after a quick stop to purchase a bottle of wine with the money my grandma gave me for my birthday (Thanks, Grandma!)

Later, as we were laying there falling asleep I finally mustered the courage to tell D I loved him. He returned the sentiment.

Even though the Cubs lost the game the next day, it was still my best birthday yet.

July 10, 2012

I love… cookies?

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:52 am by singlyoutrageous

These feelings- they’re creeping up on me. Sometimes I sit back and wonder: What does this guy see in me?  And I honestly don’t know the answer. You can’t blatantly ask the guy, because then you’re putting him on the spot, and he won’t be able to come up with anything to say. Plus it looks like you’re fishing for a compliment. I won’t ask.

So then I wonder some more. If I can’t figure out what he sees in me, I can’t figure out why he’s with me. If I can’t figure out why he’s with me, he probably can’t either, therefore may not be with me for long. And if he’s not going to be with me for long, I might as well end it so I don’t have to get hurt. Again.

The illogical musings of my girly mind!

I know that it’s nonsense, but it’s the type of nonsense that runs through my head sometimes. It induces panic. Part of the reason for panic is because I’m pretty happy with my life the way it is, and when I start to think of where it’s going I flip out at the uncertainty. Change is a part of life, but sometimes I wish that my life would become stagnant, and remain as it is. Because at this moment I am happy, and who knows what tomorrow may bring?

I would like to know what the future will hold for my relationship with D. I would like to talk to him about the future. But I won’t because that conversation will imply that I need something more and I don’t. I’m happy with him right now. I just feel a lack of control over my life if I don’t attempt to map it out.

My cousin asked me the other day if I loved D. My response was “I don’t know, I hadn’t really thought about it…” (which I just realized was D’s answer to an awkward question I had for him some time ago!)

“You haven’t thought about it?! How can you not have thought about it?!” was her response to me.

I haven’t thought about it. It scares me. If I love him it will hurt more when I lose him, so I don’t think about it. I do know that I have never been more open with another person. I feel safe when I am with him. I love his intelligence, his sarcasm and his ability to make me laugh when it’s completely inappropriate. I love his reactions to my crazy world and his amazing insightfulness. I love his compassion.

If he looked me in the eye tomorrow and said “I love you” what would my reaction be? “I love you too!” or “I love… cookies?”

Do I love him? I don’t know. But I think being happy is enough for right now. I think.

July 3, 2012

most. awkward. email. ever.

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 1:20 am by singlyoutrageous

As I relayed in my most awkward post yet back in April I have some issues with sex. D and I have had some conversations about this, but I find it extremely difficult to talk about. Since I was having so much trouble articulating my feelings on the subject, I did what I always do when I am struggling with something on my mind- I wrote about it.

I wrote about my sexual hang-ups in a very analytical way so as to see if there were also some possible solutions. I wrote about my low self-esteem, poor body image, lack of experience due to where my life led me and more. After I re-read what I wrote, I realized I have some fairly serious issues. Not only did I write about my issues, in embarrassing detail, I then emailed said writing to D.


Most awkward email ever.

I had copied my text into an email, taken a deep breath and hit “send”. I have no idea what came over me. This was way personal stuff. Like digging deep on the therapy couch stuff. Some of which I had just realized about myself while writing it. And I sent it. To him.

I had sent him a warning text so that he knew what to expect. After reading this mortifying information about myself, he sent me a text back. His response was:

“I feel honored that you shared your deepest feelings with me. Thank you. I’m not sure if I can respond any other way than to say I appreciate the courage it took to send that to me.”

*sigh of relief*

I replied that the only response I was worried about was scaring him away. He said he’s not going anywhere.

I feel better now that he knows where I’m coming from.  I just hope things aren’t off the next time I see him. I’m not sure what to expect.

June 26, 2012

The little things…

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 12:48 am by singlyoutrageous

Wow, two posts in a week? I know. Let’s just say I’m inspired.

I’m sitting here at work. It is approximately 1:15 am. I just received a text from D, that said “Alright [insert maiden name here] – time for bed. Good night!”

A side note on the “maiden name” thing. D insists on using my maiden name over my married name. Not in an angry way, like “I refuse to call you by your married name!” but in an endearing way. He knew me long ago before I was married, so that is who I am to him.

Back to the text… Every night D sends me a “good night” text. On the rare occasion that he doesn’t, he apologizes the next day. This is not something that I require him to do. This is not something that I ever asked him to do. He is just a caring, considerate guy.

Never have I been with someone who is considerate. I’m not even going to say “so considerate”. That would imply that I had been with someone who was considerate, and that this person is even more so. Unfortunately, and sadly enough, I cannot say that. It is very sad when I think about it.

It is just really nice to know that somewhere out there is a person who genuinely cares about you. Someone who (unlike your parents, family or best friend) is not required to do so, but chooses to do so.

My therapist reminded me at my last session that any guy I have a relationship with should be expected to treat me as well as D. She told me this, I think, because she doesn’t want me to put all of my eggs into one basket. She has reservations about him that she can see from an objective viewpoint. I think that with time and patience he may prove her wrong.

I’m certainly not ready to run off to Vegas. I’m not even ready to spend more than one night with him. Morning rolls around and either I’m leaving, or he is.

But it’s nice to know that there is potential here. When I’m ready.

So, D, if you have stumbled upon my blog and are reading this- thank you.

June 25, 2012

Paranoia! (and an awkward question…)

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , at 9:56 pm by singlyoutrageous

I’m getting a little paranoid. I had 21 views on my blog the other day, all from the US. You may be thinking, “What’s the big deal?” Well, I don’t write this blog to be famous; I didn’t really think anyone would ever bother reading it. I’m okay with that; it’s mostly just a great way to vent my feelings and thoughts so that I may remain sane. Some days I may have only 1 or 2 views, some days none at all. This is partly because I went from writing daily when I first began blogging to weekly now.

When I click on my stats and see 21 views from a day where I did not write a new post I get suspicious. The most likely scenario is that someone happened to read a post, was interested and perused the archives. Not normally a big deal except…

Last Friday night I was out with D. He was Googling something on his phone while I watched over his shoulder. As he started to type, my full name followed by the word “blog” came up under his recent searches.

“You searched for my blog!?” I asked indignantly. “Yeah” he replied sheepishly. “But I didn’t find it.”

A few days and 21 views later, I am slightly paranoid. So here’s a message to D:

If you are reading this, know that I write this blog with the best of intentions. I try to leave out what is most personal, private and/or embarrassing (like the fact that you saw the Titanic in theaters 3 times as a fifteen year old boy when it was originally released- sorry!), and only relay what is therapeutic for me. If you ever take issue with the fact that among other things, I primarily write about our relationship, know that I am willing to stop blogging about us and will choose another subject.

I really don’t think he’ll find my blog though. I tried searching for it myself, as if I only knew my name, and not the name of the blog. I came up with nothing. *sigh of relief*

For those bloggers out there that do not blog anonymously- good for you! I truly admire your bravery. I wish I could do so, but am too scared!


Back to our date…

That same night we broached a topic of conversation that was completely awkward for me. We’ve been together for… wow- four months now, and D finally asked me point blank what my income was. This was awkward for me, because I had made the assumption, as did he, that I make more money than him. I have no issue with that. It doesn’t bother me at all. But I am a woman, and he is a man, and I know some men would take issue with the fact that their girlfriend or wife makes more money than them. I don’t know how he feels about it. I think that some men feel that they need to be the primary bread winners, and that probably includes making the most money in a relationship.

To throw specific numbers out there is something I have been avoiding. D happened to catch me after my second long island though, so I was forthcoming. It was uncomfortable, but now it’s out there. He did say that he figured I made more than him, and pretty much left it at that.

I make more money than him. I work less hours. I have less job related stress. This makes me feel slightly guilty.

I’m sure I’ll get over it.

June 18, 2012

A stressful date with an excellent resolution.

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:15 am by singlyoutrageous

Saturday morning…

Here’s where it starts. It’s not all fun and games anymore. *sigh*

Last night D and I went on another double date with his friends. We went bowling. I expected this post to be about how I am just a god awful bowler, but I sucked it up and had a good time anyways. That’s true for the most part. Three hours and two games later (neither of which I broke 100, but both of which I came in last place!) we called it a night. D suggested going out and grabbing a drink, but his friends were tired, so that was that.

I suggested still grabbing a drink after we left the bowling alley, as there were no pitchers of beer involved in our game. Had there been beer, I may have bowled much better. D suggested going for a drive instead.

We drove, and we talked- not about anything in particular. We ended up back at his place an hour later after he said he wasn’t up for getting a drink. We watched a little TV, and then D asked “Are you tired? I’m kind of tired.”

“Sure” I replied, thinking “tired” was a euphemism for let’s turn the TV off and have sex. It wasn’t a euphemism. It was what it was. D turned the TV off, turned the light off and proceeded to fall asleep.

Well. Ok. I became a little upset. This date night was brought to us by the courtesy of my parents keeping Little overnight. This was my time away to have fun. An opportunity to get away from the monotony of my everyday life. So, if I use my night out to spend time with you, I want to have fun. If I’m sleeping in your bed, I would like to have either gotten drunk or more preferably had sex.

I say this because D and I are newly dating (3 months is still new to me!) and we should be doing these things, not acting like an old married couple. I was married for 7 years, with the same guy for 13 years. I am not using my precious time out to call it an early night and sleep in your bed, not touching you, while sober. That is not what is supposed to happen.

I was so shocked by this quick turn of events that I just laid there for a while. I eventually got up, used the bathroom and came back. D murmured something, and I said “I had way too much diet coke tonight” (which I had, thinking we’d be up later than 1 am) “and my mind is racing- I can’t sleep.”

“I know how that is,” he replied, “do you want some Benadryl?” *sigh*

A few minutes later he is snoring.

I like my bed. I may sleep on a fold out couch, but it is mine and I like it. I don’t especially like sleeping in other people’s beds. There I was, in his bed, uncomfortable, wide awake, and listening to him snoring peacefully. I was miserable, I was mad; I even considered getting up and driving home.

I didn’t though. I just lay there, wide awake contemplating my feelings.

I think that other than the fact that I felt this was a poor use of my precious time out, I also felt unwanted. Neglected. Forgotten. I haven’t felt like that since I was still with my ex. I hated it. I began to wonder if things had been weird between us that night- if D had been acting funny at all. Had anything happened that would make him disregard me so? I couldn’t really pinpoint anything in particular.

I continued to lay there wide awake, resentful that D was sleeping so peacefully and I was not. While waiting for sleep to come I made the resolution, as I had in the past, to concentrate more on myself and not so much on my relationship. When I get so wrapped up in these things, it hurts more when they don’t go the way I want them to. I lose myself, and it’s hard to find that person again. So I resolved that when I would wake up the next day, I would go home and spend some time with Little. Then I would take a nice 3 hour long nap, while she was also napping, to catch up from this horrible insomniatic (not a word, I know, but it should be) night I was experiencing. I would drink a lot of water throughout the day so I would be nice and hydrated for my run that night. And I would not text D (other than to say “home”) unless I heard from him first. Completing my resolutions for the following day made me feel slightly better, and about one hour later I finally fell asleep. I slept fitfully, and left about six hours later, still early in the morning.

I tend to make assumptions about guys that I date. Sure, D’s nice enough- and I can almost picture myself spending the rest of my life with him. But I forget that there are all sorts of other guys out there that would treat me just as well, if not better. Last night made me realize that I do just want to have some fun right now.  I am looking for something serious at the same time, but do not want to hop straight to being married. I just don’t.

Having said all of this, I really do like D. I do want to give him a chance. I just need to figure out how to express my feelings in an effective way. I need to be able to vent my frustrations so that they don’t tear me up inside. I don’t want to just sit back and accept things the way they are if I’m not happy with them. I need to find my voice.

Overreaction? Crazy hormones? Read on and let me know what you think…

Saturday afternoon…

I took my 3 hour nap this afternoon. I woke up to a text message from D thanking me for coming over. Since I had been asleep I hadn’t responded, so he sent me another message an hour after the first. He texted that he had been thinking about last night, and apologized for not being in the mood for sex . He didn’t want me to think he wasn’t attracted to me; he just didn’t have it in him. He went on to say he enjoyed the evening otherwise.

After reading these messages, I replied that I wished he had been in the mood, but that I understood it happens. I also mentioned that I had made a cherry pie that morning, and he was welcome to stop and have a piece after he finished dinner with his parents but before he headed into work for the night. D said he’d be there around 7:30.

Saturday evening…

Little ran a fever tonight, so I did not go out to run. This worked out well as D stopped by right when she was going to sleep. I had been running around all day, no shower, no makeup and was a bit disgraceful in general.  I was still a little hurt, so really wasn’t overly concerned for my appearance at that point. He came in and we chatted for a bit. He gave me the back massage he’d been promising, and then just hugged me tight for a while. “I like holding you” he said. On his way to making up for the last night, I thought to myself.

Then he went on to say, “So can I make up for last night?”

It was an excellent resolution to a very stressful date.

In conclusion…

In hindsight, the first lesson I learned is to speak my feelings. Don’t let them get all pent up and morph into crazy super feelings, if that makes any sense. And lesson number two is to continue to remind myself that I come first. The list of my priorities looks something like this…

1. Little

2. Me

3. My family/friends

4. My relationship


…and i shouldn’t forget it.


Enough learning, my brain is fried- thanks for reading and good night!



June 10, 2012

A therapist and a lawyer walk into a bar…

Posted in dating, Relationships, therapy tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 10:10 pm by singlyoutrageous

I do actually have a hilarious date to share with you, but before I do, I’d like to recap my latest therapy session, as it pertains to said hilarious date…

Last Thursday I saw my therapist and filled her in on the conversation I had with D, and how things have gone since. She was not as pleased as I had hoped for. Our discussion turned to my daughter, Little, and how she comes into play in any relationship I have. Basically, my therapist told me that both myself and my partner should be at the point that we are ready to be committed for life (whether that means marriage or not is irrelevant) before Little should be introduced into the mix. Any loss I may suffer in a relationship will also be a loss to her if she has made a connection with the guy. I get that.

I have been thinking it wasn’t a big deal to involve her in a dinner or walk here or there due to the fact that she is so young (18 months). But I need to remind myself that she is growing and learning every day, and she won’t always be so oblivious to the people in my life. So the consensus is that it may be ok for me to have the occasional outing with D and little, but not to involve him in our everyday life, or let his parents babysit, etc., until we are sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

My therapist concluded the session by stating “I don’t know- I just really don’t have a feel for this guy!” That statement is troublesome to me, because I definitely value her opinion. Everything she has told me or advised me to in the past, as little as I may or may not have liked it, has turned out to be true and accurate. I kind of hope she’s wrong this time.

Now for the hilariousness (wow- spell check didn’t try to correct me! “Hilariousness” is actually a word!)

Friday night (the night after my therapy session) D and I had a double date. The other couple are really good friends of D’s, so I was a little nervous to meet them. They were awesome, and dinner was great. The hilarious part was when I noticed a few people waving at me from across the restaurant. I waved back and took a closer look. Awesome. The table waving at me included four people- my divorce attorney, his wife (who works at his office, so I also knew her), my therapist, and her husband (the only one I did not know). The fun part was explaining to everyone at our table who these people waving were. The couple we were out to dinner with is engaged to be married this fall, and I didn’t want to be the disillusioned divorcee’. No worries there. They thought it was funny, and commented that at least it wasn’t my ex in-laws.

Next a new waitress comes up to us and says “There’s a table that would like to know if you are ordering anymore drinks?” I asked her which table it was, even though I already knew, and she gestured towards the table with my lawyer and therapist. My lawyer was the one who actually ordered the drinks, she said. I kind of figured that, as my therapist had just told me the day before she “didn’t really have a feel” for D.

We went over to thank them for the drinks and to make introductions, as much as D and I were slightly uncomfortable doing so. It was nice to see my lawyer and his wife again. They were very supportive during my divorce. My lawyer spent enough time with my ex to know what I had been dealing with. I think he was genuinely happy to see me on a date with what appeared to be a decent guy (and D is better than decent) so he sent us the drinks. It was also hilarious to me to introduce D to my therapist. I did not tell D what she had said about him the day before, thankfully. That would have been even more awkward.

A good time was had by all. I asked D if I met his friends approval. He said he wasn’t looking for any approval. He is simply proud that I am his girlfriend, and therefore wanted to introduce me to his friends. I thought that was sweet. D spent the night at my apartment (Little was staying at my parents) and even slept in a few hours after I got up to start my day. That shows some trust on my end, leaving him at my place as such, and an increase in D’s comfort level in our relationship by staying there after I left. Or he was just really tired. Who knows? 🙂

June 4, 2012

A few awkward moments, but no complaints here!

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:53 am by singlyoutrageous

It’s been far too long. I feel guilty, but I simply have not felt the need to de-stress through writing. This is a good thing for me, not so good for those of you who actually like to read what I have to say. I have a therapy appointment in a few days, so I will certainly be posting a progress report pertaining to that. I am interested to see how my therapist thinks I have been doing, and more interested to see how she thinks D has been doing.

During my last therapy session my therapist had some real concerns about my relationship with D, mostly pertaining to Little. After our conversation about this there have been some real changes. A few weekends ago, D spent the night and was surprisingly at ease when we were awoken at 8 am by my small child. I said to him “It’s great. She’s not even fazed by your presence. This is obviously something she’s used to seeing- strange men in my bed in the morning.”

Later that night, D came to my parent’s home for dinner. Before we got there, D wanted to know what he could do or say that might make them angry. I told him he was quite safe. Really anyone is better than my ex. He would have it easy. He was very well behaved, and didn’t seem too nervous to be around all of us at once. My parents approved, of course.

The third, and final day we saw each other that weekend (I know- it was the holiday weekend) we (Little and myself) had dinner with D, his parents, his sister, her husband and his two nephews. D surprisingly, and with good humor, accepted fistfuls of fettuccine from Little’s tiny fists and even ate it. Even I would be hesitant to do that.  We dropped Little off at my parent’s after dinner and I went to D’s parent’s home. Here I endured some slightly awkward questions pertaining to my divorce from D’s mother when he wasn’t around. I didn’t mind answering her questions; she asked them in a curious and protective way- not a mean natured or probing way. His family is great though, and I was very at ease the entire time we were there. After we left, D and I had an interesting and very fun late night walk at a local park. D then informed me that he was really proud to have introduced me to his parents, that he was proud of me for holding my own, and how lucky he was to be dating me.

Then came the work week, and I didn’t see D for a few days. I went over to his place on Friday night with birthday brownies. We had a great night. The best part of our date is usually the conversations that we have. He’s very easy to talk to.  We went out for a birthday drink, where a slightly awkward moment occurred. While at a bar, a friend of D’s that he hadn’t seen in quite some time came up to say “hello”. D introduced us, and as I shook his hand, D’s friend asks “Oh- are you the weather girl?”  I say “Nope, not me!” with a smile. The friend’s date then arrives, and as introductions are being made, D says to her “I think you introduced me before- when would that have been?” and his friend says, “Nah, we’ve only been dating for a month.” These guys obviously have histories of dating around. Or used to, at least. This encounter didn’t make me mad- I actually thought it was pretty funny.

Back at his place, D made a random observation about how he was comfortable getting in bed when I was already in it. He has had some obvious and self-proclaimed issues with intimacy and his space, so I thought it was sweet. He sent me a really nice text the next morning expressing how he had an awesome time, and was just grateful for everything- that I made an effort to come over to his place (it is an effort, now that childcare is involved), for the brownies, and just a great night in general.

Coming up later this week is a dinner date with one of D’s best friends and his fiancé. This will be the first time I’ve spent time with any of his friends, so I’m slightly nervous, but still very excited.

Things are going really well. I didn’t expect all- or any- of this when we started dating. My expectations for dating in general had taken a hit. But taking things slowly is working. Every day I like D more and more. It’s a new and odd feeling for me to be experiencing right now, but that’s ok- that’s the fun part.

May 22, 2012

Things are going good- slightly awkward, but good.

Posted in dating, Relationships tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 9:27 pm by singlyoutrageous

Thursday night last week D came over straight from work. We loaded Little up in the car and went to a local park for a walk. I had been well prepared for a smooth departure. All necessary items bagged and ready to go. We just threw the stroller in the car and left. He made a funny comment about how it sure seems like a lot of work to do such a small thing. I thought that remark was amusing as it really went as well as an outing with a 16 month old can go. The walk was really pleasant. D was cute in that he was sort of awkward around Little- he was willing to help with her, but sort of unsure how to do so. 🙂

We went back to my place, and while I put Little to bed, D ran out and got us some dinner. We spent the rest of the evening chatting about things we enjoy and also watched Pet Semetary. I forgot how creepy that movie is. I was very happy with how the night went in general- I feel like D is testing the waters with what a life with us would be like. He’s being cautious, but open and willing as well. If that makes sense.

The next night Little stayed with her grandparents, and I drove over to D’s for a date. I asked him what he thought about coming over to my parents for dinner the next weekend. He agreed. Then he told me his mom wanted me to come to their house the day after, and bring the baby. So next weekend will be interesting. As we had this conversation, his mom texted asking if I wanted to go out to dinner with them the next day. I declined, knowing that I would be feeling pretty rough from the night we were about to have.

We had a few drinks at his place and chatted. Then we took a long walk to a local bar where we had a few more drinks. Maybe a few too many, but I hold my liquor well. While at the bar, I remember D very seriously expressing how he was impressed at how good I am with Little. I’m not sure what he had been expecting our interaction the night before to go, but it must have exceeded his expectations. I replied with the standard, I take it one day at a time, and do what I can. Sometimes that’s all you can do as a single mom- try your best.

Later, as we were walking home from the bar, he asked me about Little’s dad, and what kind of contact we have with him. I told D that I haven’t heard from Little’s dad since the end of February, and am okay with that. He was shocked to learn that he doesn’t even call to check up on her, let alone come and see her. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but sitting here sober I wonder if D was trying to figure out what kind of “ex” dynamic he may have to deal with in the future.

I feel like our previous conversation put things into motion. I think D went from not considering what a future with me and Little would be like, to trying to figure it out pretty quickly. I think we still need to be careful about the pace at which we move forward from here, but I am pleased with the way things are going.  🙂

Next page